Narcissistic lying can be confusing and damaging.
This article explores the reasons behind narcissistic deception and offers tips for coping with this challenging behavior.
Discover the uncomfortable truth about why narcissists lie and how to best deal with it.
If you are involved with a narcissist, you are quite used to being lied to. Narcissists lie to control and manipulate their victims. They do not see why they should not lie since they believe they have the right to do whatever they want with their victims.
Narcissists lie because it is part of their personality disorder. They lie about everything and anything, including telling lies about other people or situations, just to make themselves look better.
Why do narcissists lie so much?
Narcissists lie. It’s not just that they do it—they do it a lot and do it in the most obvious, audacious ways possible.
Why? That’s what everyone wants to know.
The answer is simple: because they can. Narcissists are driven by a deep sense of entitlement, so if there’s something they want, no matter how much it hurts someone else or breaks the rules, they’ll take it.
The reason that narcissists lie so much is that their self-esteem depends on it. Narcissists need constant validation of their superiority and importance to feel good about themselves, even though it’s all an illusion created by their pathological egos.
For them to feel good about themselves, other people must be viewed as inferior or inferior in some way – either mentally, physically, or emotionally:
Narcissists lie to manipulate. They lie to avoid responsibility, to gain an advantage over others, and to feel superior. Narcissists also lie because they believe the lies themselves.
The purpose of narcissistic lying
Lying is a narcissist’s stock in trade. This is how they manipulate and control others and make themselves feel powerful and important.
For most people, lying is something that happens occasionally. They lie to protect themselves or someone else or to avoid hurting someone’s feelings. But when you’re dealing with a narcissist, lies are the norm.
Narcissists lie because they want to get their way. They lie because they want to be seen as perfect — even when they’re not. They lie because it makes them look good and helps them feel better.
Some narcissists lie just for fun, enjoying the feeling of saying whatever comes to their minds at any given moment, regardless of how ridiculous or outlandish it may be.
Reasons why narcissists lie so much
Narcissists lie for various reasons, but two main ones come up most often: control and attention.
To control every situation and person around them, narcissists may lie about their relationships and past experiences to appear more confident and successful than they really are. This desire for control drives their deceptive behavior.
They also want attention from others—even if it’s negative attention—because they crave approval on some level.
That’s why they often exaggerate or misrepresent things about themselves and their lives (or makeup stories entirely), so they can get someone else’s approval or admiration.
The reason why narcissists lie is that they have a fear of being found out. Narcissists are very insecure people with low self-esteem who base their entire self-worth on other people’s opinions about them. They need constant validation from others to confirm that they are worthy and valuable.
Narcissists also use lying to manipulate others into doing what they want them to do. When someone doesn’t agree with their opinion or strategy, a narcissist will lie to get his way and avoid any conflict or disagreement with others.
A narcissist wants to feel superior in all situations, so he often exaggerates or inflates his accomplishments to make himself look better than everyone else. He also lies about his feelings to seem more sensitive and caring towards other people when in reality, he cares nothing about them – only himself.
Narcissistic lies: do they believe them?
Narcissistic individuals often engage in behaviors known as “narcissistic supply,” in which they seek attention, admiration, and validation from others to boost their sense of self-importance. As part of this process, they may exaggerate, manipulate, and even outright lie to present themselves in a more favorable light.
However, it is not uncommon for narcissistic individuals to believe their own lies, at least to some extent. Narcissistic individuals often have a distorted sense of reality and may believe their lies and fabrications are true. This is due to their grandiose and self-important beliefs.
They may also engage in self-deception in which they selectively remember events and circumstances to support their preferred version of reality.
A 2018 study1Eitan Elaad (2018) Correlates of narcissism, self-reported lies, and self-assessed abilities to tell and detect lies, tell truths, and believe others at Ariel University in Israel found a connection between narcissistic personality traits and a person’s likelihood to admit to lying. The study also found that narcissists tend to believe they are better at lying than others and may lie more frequently.
These findings suggest that narcissists may be aware that they are consciously lying and do so to mislead others rather than genuinely believe their own lies.
It is important to note that not all narcissistic individuals engage in lying or self-deception to the same extent. Narcissistic individuals are not uncommon to be aware that they are lying.
Pathological lying and narcissism
Narcissists are often pathological liars. They don’t truly understand the difference between truth and fiction. Their lies are habitual and automatic: they don’t even have to think about it. Narcissists lie so reflexively that they do it even when they know they will get caught.
Narcissists always have an excuse for their behavior: “I didn’t mean to.” “I was just trying to help.” “It wasn’t my fault.” Or, most commonly of all: “You made me do it!” Narcissists often blame other people for all of their problems, including the real problem of being pathological liars who can’t seem to tell the truth from fiction if their lives depended on it.
The pathological liar will also make things up that never happened and tell these stories as if they’re true. For example, they may act like a child telling their parents they took out the trash when they didn’t. These lies can be very convincing and hard to disprove without corroboration. Hence, narcissists tend to get away with them for so long before anyone catches on.
How do you know when a narcissist is lying?
There are a few signs that may indicate when a narcissist is lying:
- Inconsistencies in their story: If narcissists lie, they may struggle to keep their story consistent, as they are trying to deceive others. Pay attention to any inconsistencies in what they are saying and compare them to what you know to be true.
- Lack of remorse: If a narcissist is lying and causing harm to others, they may not show remorse or concern for the impact of their actions. This can be a red flag that they are not being honest.
- Deflection: A narcissist may try to deflect blame or responsibility when confronted with their lies instead of taking ownership of their actions.
- Evasiveness: If a narcissist is asked a direct question about their actions or words and is reluctant to answer or avoid the question, this could be a sign of lying.
- Inconsistent body language: Pay attention to nonverbal cues, such as avoiding eye contact, fidgeting, or shifting in their seat. These can indicate discomfort or dishonesty.
Narcissistic remorse: do they feel it?
The answer to this question is not straightforward. Remorse is a feeling of regret or guilt often associated with negative actions toward others. It can help to repair relationships and prevent future harm.
To feel remorse, a person needs to understand the consequences of their actions on others, which requires empathy – the ability to feel what others feel in a given situation. However, many narcissists struggle with empathy and may not feel bad about hurting others. Narcissists may lack empathy and, as a result, may not feel remorse for their actions, including lying. Even if they sometimes feel some remorse, it may not be enough to change their behavior towards others.
Strategies for handling a narcissist’s lies
With a better understanding of the “what” and “why” of narcissistic lies, let’s explore strategies for handling them.
When dealing with a narcissistic partner or friend who lies, it can be tempting to try and confront them with the hope that they will change their behavior. However, this is often an unlikely outcome.
Narcissists are skilled at manipulation and deception. They may use tactics like denying the truth, deflecting blame, devaluing others, and dismissing the issue to avoid accountability for their actions.
Is it a good idea to confront a narcissist about their lies?
It’s important to remember that narcissists’ main goal is often to maintain self-importance. They may not be willing to change their behavior, even if it causes harm to others.. Confronting a narcissist about their lying can often lead to more of the same behavior that you’re trying to avoid.
Suppose you do decide to confront a narcissist. In that case, it’s important to be prepared for their potential responses and to have a clear idea of what you want to achieve from the confrontation.
Dealing with narcissistic lies can be tough. Trusting someone who lies and manipulates others for their own gain can be difficult.
Here are some tips for coping with narcissistic deception:
- Set boundaries: It’s important to establish clear boundaries and communicate your expectations for honesty and respect in the relationship.
- Seek support: It can be helpful to talk to a trusted friend, family member, or therapist about the situation and get some emotional support.
- Practice self-care: Taking care of yourself is crucial when dealing with narcissistic deception. This can include getting enough rest, eating well, and engaging in self-care practices like meditation or exercise.
- Seek the truth: If you suspect you are being lied to, try to gather as much information as possible and verify the truth. This can help you better understand the situation and decide how to move forward.
- Consider seeking help: If you are in an unhealthy or abusive relationship with a narcissist, it may be necessary to seek help from a trusted authority or professional, such as a couch or counsilor. Remember, it is never okay for someone to treat you with disrespect or abuse.
Final Thoughts
You have now received the answer as to why narcissists lie so much.
Narcissists lie for various reasons, including the desire for control, the need to protect their ego, and a lack of empathy for the harm their lies may cause to others.
While some narcissists may believe their own lies, others may be aware of the deception but not feel remorse for it.
Dealing with narcissistic lies can be challenging, but setting boundaries, seeking support, and practicing self-care can help.
It may also be necessary to confront the lies and seek the truth to understand the situation better and make decisions about moving forward.
