Are you in a relationship where your partner constantly draws comparisons between you and his ex?
Do they often talk about other people’s good and bad traits, steering the conversation towards you?
This behavior is a common tactic used by narcissists1Narcissist Personality Disorder to manipulate and control2Living with pathological narcissism those around them.
In this article, we’ll provide 12 simple ways to react to narcissistic triangulation and safeguard your mental well-being.
What is narcissist triangulation?
Narcissists often use triangulation to create drama, confusion, and instability in their relationships. It involves manipulating two individuals or more by pitting them against each other. Often by communicating different messages or making negative comments about one to the other.
Narcissists use triangulation to maintain control and power over their relationships. By creating conflicts and drama between others. They can divert attention from their behavior and make themselves appear more desirable or essential.
Triangulation can also be used as a manipulation tool. As the narcissist may make one person feel jealous or insecure about gaining their attention or affection.
A narcissistic partner might flirt with someone else in front of their partner. Then downplay the significance of their behavior when confronted. A narcissistic parent might pit one child against another by favoring one over the other or criticizing one child in front of the other.
What are examples of narcissistic triangulation?
Example #1: Romantic triangulation
Narcissistic partners may create jealousy or competition between their current partner and a potential love interest by using triangulation.
They might flirt with the other person in front of their partner. Talk excessively about the other person, or make negative comments about their partner to the other person.
A narcissistic partner might tell their partner that they’re spending the evening with a coworker of the opposite sex. knowing that it will make their partner jealous and question the strength of their relationship.
Example #2: Parental triangulation
When a parent with narcissistic tendencies engages in favoritism, unfavorable comparisons or competition between siblings. It can lead to a toxic dynamic known as triangulation.
It can lead to a toxic dynamic between siblings and contribute to low self-esteem and emotional distress3Affect of favoritism.
A narcissistic parent might constantly compare one child to another, saying things like, “Why can’t you be more like your sister?” or “Your brother is so much smarter than you.” It can cause the child to feel inferior and resentful towards their sibling.
Example #3: Professional triangulation
At work, a selfish person may use divisive strategies such as encouraging competition and conflicts among colleagues to establish their authority and dominance. This toxic pattern is often referred to as “divide and conquer”.
It can involve spreading rumors, negative comments, or favoring one employee.
A narcissistic boss might tell one employee they’re the only one they can trust while criticizing another employee’s work in front of the rest of the team. It can create tension and resentment between coworkers, making it challenging4Research on the Effect of Narcissistic Leadership to work together effectively.
Example #4: Friend triangulation
When a friend with narcissistic tendencies seeks to exert control over the social dynamic. They may resort to causing conflict between other friends in the group.
It can involve spreading rumors, gossiping, or making negative comments about one friend to the other.
A selfish friend might tell one friend that the other friend has been saying negative things about them behind their back. Causing the two friends to become distant and distrustful of each other. The narcissistic friend may use this to assert their importance and control the group.
How to react to narcissist triangulation?
1#:Recognize the tactic
Recognizing when a narcissist is using triangulation can be crucial in protecting yourself and your relationships.
By paying attention to their patterns and tactics. You can identify when they’re trying to create conflict or competition between you and another person.
It can manifest in various ways. Such as the narcissist speaking negatively about you to someone else without information or affection. Deliberately creating situations where you’re forced to compete for their attention or approval.
Once you recognize the tactic, you can take steps to shield yourself from its effects.
2#: Stay calm and composed
When narcissists triangulate you, they seek a reaction that feeds their ego and gives them control. Reacting with anger or frustration only fuels their power.
Staying calm and composed removes their power and protects them from toxic behavior.
It can also help you identify their game plan and genuine motives. Allowing you to take proactive steps to safeguard your relationships. Recognizing and responding to selfish behavior calmly and rationally is a powerful tool for self-preservation and personal growth.
3#: Don’t take the bait
It’s important to understand that narcissists use drama and conflict to manipulate and control others. They enjoy creating chaos and drawing people into their web of deception.
However, you can choose whether or not you engage in their toxic behavior. You’re protecting yourself from their manipulative tactics by refusing to take the bait and staying focused on your goals and priorities.
It doesn’t mean ignoring their behavior altogether, but responding in a way that doesn’t feed their ego or give them a sense of control.
4#: Communicate directly
The key to dealing with narcissistic triangulation is to address the situation directly with the other person involved. Doing so can clarify misunderstandings, prevent narcissists from manipulating the case, and build stronger relationships based on open communication.
Responding calmly and directly removes the narcissist’s power and sets a positive example for others. It requires courage and a commitment to healthy boundaries, but ultimately, it can lead to healthier and more fulfilling relationships.
5#: Set boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential when dealing with narcissists, who often push boundaries to gain control.
By being specific and communicating your boundaries calmly, you can protect yourself and your relationships from their toxic behavior.
While narcissists may challenge your boundaries, staying firm and consistently prioritizing your well-being is vital. Establishing limitations also helps build self-awareness and self-respect, allowing you to assert your autonomy against their manipulations.
6#: Avoid reacting emotionally
When dealing with a narcissist, avoiding emotional reactions and focusing on logical and rational responses are essential.
Narcissists thrive on emotional turmoil and often use it to manipulate and control others. By responding calmly and logically, you take away their power and control.
This approach can also help you better understand the narcissist’s patterns and tactics, which can help you take proactive steps to protect yourself and your relationships.
7#: Build a support system
Having a support system is crucial when dealing with a narcissist. They can make you feel isolated and alone,
So it’s essential to have people who can offer emotional support and guidance. A supportive friend or family member can provide a listening ear, offer perspective, and help you stay positive and motivated.
A therapist can also be a valuable resource, providing professional guidance and helping you develop healthy coping strategies. Remember that you don’t have to face the challenges of dealing with a narcissist alone.
Building a support system can help you stay resilient and navigate difficult situations more easily.
8#: Document their behavior
Keeping a record of the narcissist’s behavior is essential in protecting yourself from their toxic behavior. It can help you recognize patterns and better understand their tactics, including when using triangulation.
Additionally, having documentation of their behavior can provide evidence if you need to take legal action or seek professional help.
Keeping a record can also remind you of what you’ve been through and how far you’ve come. It can empower and help you stay focused on your growth and healing.
Remember to keep your records safe and secure, and consider sharing them only with trusted individuals, such as a therapist or attorney.
9#: Don’t blame yourself
It’s essential to recognize that narcissists often manipulate and gaslight others into thinking they are to blame for the problems in the relationship.
It can cause feelings of guilt, shame, and self-doubt. However, it’s crucial to remember that the narcissist’s behavior is not your fault.
You deserve to be treated with respect and dignity, and your actions reflect your issues and insecurities, not your worth.
10#: Practice self-care
Dealing with a narcissist can be overwhelming, so self-care is essential. Physical exercise, relaxation techniques, and spending time with loved ones can help build resilience and maintain emotional well-being.
Self-care sends a powerful message to the narcissist that you value your well-being and won’t sacrifice your needs for their demands. It helps you set healthy boundaries and maintain balance. Remember, taking care of yourself is a form of self-respect and preservation.
11#: Seek professional help
Dealing with a narcissist can be challenging, and sometimes their behavior can significantly impact your mental health and well-being5Affects of Narcissist Abuse.
Seeking professional help from a therapist or counselor can be crucial in managing this situation. A trained professional can help you identify patterns in the narcissist’s behavior, develop effective coping strategies, and set healthy boundaries.
They can also provide emotional support and guidance as you navigate this difficult situation.
12#: Consider cutting ties
Cutting ties with a narcissist can be a tough decision, but it can also be a necessary step to protect yourself from toxic behavior.
Recognizing that you have the right to set boundaries and prioritize your well-being is essential. If the narcissist is unwilling or unable to respect your boundaries, ending the relationship may be the best option.
Remember that cutting ties does not mean you are weak but rather that you are taking control of the situation and prioritizing your own needs.
When the narcissist triangulates?
Narcissists may triangulate when they feel threatened or insecure in a relationship. It can happen in various associations, including romantic, friendships, family, and professional relationships.
Triangulation can occur when the narcissist involves a third person in the relationship, either by talking about them to the other person or talking to the other person about the other partner.
Triangulation aims to create competition or conflict between the other two parties. The narcissist may use this technique to gain control, power, and attention or deflect attention away from their flaws or mistakes. By creating drama or conflict between others. The narcissist can maintain a sense of superiority and control over the situation.
Triangulation can damage close relationships. Creating a toxic dynamic and undermining trust and intimacy. It can cause the victim to feel jealous, insecure, and confused.
The third person involved in the triangulation may also feel manipulated or used by the narcissist. Recognizing triangulation and setting clear boundaries is essential in protecting oneself from the harmful effects of the narcissist’s behavior.
Final Thoughts
Narcissist triangulation is a manipulative tactic used by narcissists to create drama and instability in their relationships.
Do you suspect that you or someone you know is being manipulated through narcissist triangulation? Then it is essential to recognize the tactics involved and take action to protect yourself or the other person involved.
This could involve seeking professional help or support to break free from the narcissist’s control and regain autonomy in the relationship.
Understanding narcissist triangulation and its harmful effects can help individuals navigate relationships more effectively and avoid falling victim to manipulative tactics.
